I need to update this more often.

[retro_geek]

This blog entry provides some interesting food for thought. Is virginity really soley about a penis entering a vagina? Is someone who has taken time to explore personal fetishes and learn how to orgasm without penetration more of a virgin than a 12 year old who has shagged someone and knows very little about sex beyond the actual mechanics of it (the recent British news story of the 13 year old father springs to mind here)? The concept of "virgnity" is a socially created one (and one the comes with a complex set of connotations), yet it deals with the physical side of sex, reducing it to it's simplist, starkest definition. It seems almost perverse, no? I lost my virginity when I was 18 to a boy whom I had little emotion connection to (though I didn't nessacarily realise this at the time). There was no cuddling afterwards, no afterglow, no dinner or date before hand. it was physically painful (and not in a good way!) .We barely knew each other. I don't regret losing my virginity in this way, as getting the clumsiness and pain and all-round inexperience out the way with someone I didn't really care for saved me from potentially damaging and  de-romantising  relationship with someone for whom I did. But it's only in my experiences since that I've properly formed and explored my own set of kinks and attitudes towards fornication, and consequently started to enjoy it. So, even though the mechanics of the actual act noware pretty similar to what i did in my first time, I feel significantly less of a "virgin" now than I did back then. I also regularly thank my lucky stars that I wasn't born into a family of harcore Christian evlangelicals who valued "purity till marriage" and convinced me to join "the silver ring thing". Though I agree that the idea of "saving yourself" till you find someone you think you're going to spend the rest of your love life with is lovely and romantic and sweet, don't these people worry what may happen if they are not sexually compatible? If sex is such a monumental and powerful thing that it needs to be restrained until you've found the "right" person, do they not consider the posible changes it could therefore cause in people? Also, I wonder what would happen to society if the media and sex education focused less on the mechanic, carnal aspect of it, and more on the fetish, emotional, sensual side of it. Showed kids that, actually, there can be a lot more to truley losing your virginty than wether your naughty bits have touched someon else's.

Hmm. Thoughts/ discussions on any of the above, please.

Comments

[besidethesea.livejournal.com]

A most thought-provoking entry my dear. I agree that virginity is a state of mind, and if I remember correctly, a mildly ridiculous one at that. Its a form of self-identification, but one which we only come to understand just before most people would rather it was no longer applicable - aka puberty. As such, the time during which we self-identify ourselves as virgins is almost a wholly negative one, even if we have a religious or ideological rationale by which to justify to ourselves existing in this state. A mental state of virginity is the awareness of the sexual aspect of your humanity as unexplored. A drunken fumble is not necessarily going to resolve this. I would agree with you regarding the necessity to explore your sexuality before the mental switch from virgin to non-virgin can occur. I couldn't really say when I began to consider myself a full adult, and not a virgin, but it certainly wasn't the second I lost my virginity, though I must say that it was a perfectly alright experience... :D