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Nov. 7th, 2006 02:45 pmI think i need to take a year out of uni.
It came at a really inconvienient time for me, I was still trying to find out who the fuck I was and what makes me, me, and, truth is, I don't have the capacity to do that, and do uni and adjust everything accordingly.
The proof is written all over me. My physical health is in tatters. I'm ill prettymuch all the time, and I've lost so much fucking wieght its scary. My body mass index is down to 16. 18.5 is the point where you're considered seriousy underwieght. Whoops.
My emotional health isn't doing that much better. Because Im ill alll the time, I can't go ou tclubbing with my house mates, and so i feel like im starting to alienate myself from them. I started to self-harm again for the first time in a long while again yesterday (only little scratches, nothing serious), which was a bit scary.
I also seem to have lost the ability to sit down and force myself to plough my way through a text. Which is very bad, because its what my course seems to be mainly about.
I'm still too immature, too lazy, too scatty and disorganised for university. Im harrdly sleeping, barely eating, and Im scared I'm going to fail my course. I miss London, I miss home, I miss my friends, I feel like a failiure for not enjoying this fabulously debauched rule-free party that being a student is supposed to be.
I feel useless.
It came at a really inconvienient time for me, I was still trying to find out who the fuck I was and what makes me, me, and, truth is, I don't have the capacity to do that, and do uni and adjust everything accordingly.
The proof is written all over me. My physical health is in tatters. I'm ill prettymuch all the time, and I've lost so much fucking wieght its scary. My body mass index is down to 16. 18.5 is the point where you're considered seriousy underwieght. Whoops.
My emotional health isn't doing that much better. Because Im ill alll the time, I can't go ou tclubbing with my house mates, and so i feel like im starting to alienate myself from them. I started to self-harm again for the first time in a long while again yesterday (only little scratches, nothing serious), which was a bit scary.
I also seem to have lost the ability to sit down and force myself to plough my way through a text. Which is very bad, because its what my course seems to be mainly about.
I'm still too immature, too lazy, too scatty and disorganised for university. Im harrdly sleeping, barely eating, and Im scared I'm going to fail my course. I miss London, I miss home, I miss my friends, I feel like a failiure for not enjoying this fabulously debauched rule-free party that being a student is supposed to be.
I feel useless.
