the waiting game

'Playing it cool' is proving to be an incredibly hard thing to do. You would of thought, that when people hit his age, the need for game playing (does this count as game playing? opinions please) would be left behind in favour of descisions and trust. I'm seriously tempted to send him a message saying that I don't want to play games and that I like him and if he still likes me, could he just let me know, pretty please. I tihnk what's putting him off the most is the age gap (9 years), and he's not willing to put the effort in because he feels uncomfortable. I know he's got a lot more alife expereince on me (the mention of an ex-wife certainly took me aback (and it was only at that point I noticed that his big gothy silver and black ring was being worn on his wedding finger)), but he does just seem like an older version of me. There are similairites between us that I have yet to find in anyone else. He is one of the most interesting and beautiful people I have ever met (I don't think I realised quite how physically attracted I was to him until I saw him outside of his work clothes) and this time apart is driving me nuts.
Per'aps I'm just scared that the months of feelings that have been building up between us have possibly all been wasted on one drunken night where we didn't even have full-on sex? stupid girl.

Apologies everyone, I tihnk i'm feeling a bit self-indulgent and over emotional due to stress and lack of sleep. At a friend's house last night, a telly program on polyamory nearly reduced me to tears as it reminded me of the whole Matthew thing, and though i am over him now, watching it did make me question my actions and reactions, while at the same time sympathising with some poor bloke whose marriage had disintegrated due his (former) wife's enforced open relationship.


For the record, I'm not doing very well at the 'playing it cool' thing.