(no subject)

Would anyone like to come and see this with me?: http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/news_item.aspx?venueId=gate&id=1819
I wish Biba was still around today, it looks so pretty! I suppose it wouldn't last long in the Primark culture of today's highstreet, but still...


I went to David's father and step-mother's house in Ashtead over the weekend, and ate and slept more there than I had done in ages. It is the only place where I can attempt a proper 3 course meal, and I always feel a bit lardy afterwards. David told me he thought that I had gone through a bit of a "mad phase" recently, and, looking back, I have felt a bit unstable lately. There hasn't been one particular event or worry that has been on my mind, it's more a general realisation of the complete yawning endless hopelessness of life. I'm currently reading 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being" by Milan Kundra, and though it's a brilliant, engaging, intelligent book, it probably isn't making me feel any happier. I should probably talk about my feelings with my councellor (that is what she is there for, after all), but I'm worried she will just blame it all on the dominatrix thing, which she has made clear she does NOT approve of.

Every so often, I have very violent dreams, in which there is a point when I realise the futility of whatever I'm trying to do (escape from a killer, trying to please everyone but only making things worse, whatever) and kill myself as a means of escape. Last night's dream started off innocuous enough, just silly surreal dream-stuff about dominatrixes and boybands and dildo-shaped waterpistols (or was it water pistol-shaped dildos?), but then there was a sequence where I was on a bus (with said boyband), driving through woods littered with satanist symbols, on houses, carved into trees, etc. After nearly being strangled by a witch who bore a striking resembalence to Jo Brand, I was back on the bus with boyband's psychotic manager. He was trying to kill me somehow, I screamed for the other passengers to restrain him, then I jumped through the bus window and threw myself to death down a deep, rocky ravine. Lying on the ground, my body smashed to pieces, my soul looked up at the road I had just jumped from, which had now descended into chaos, with fireworks (wtf?), explosions, and armies fighting each other.

Actually, typing all the above out, it seems a bit silly, but it was quite scary at the time, promise! I wonder what it all means?