(no subject)

Well hello again everybod...CRIKEY!! what in flip's name has happened to me journal???? It appears to have taken on a rather unattractive blue/black/white/grey colour scheme in my absence. Bad journal. No pocket money for you this week... Hmmm, mabey i can ask Chloe to make it all pretty and purple for me again (hint, hint!), or mabey i can just bugger of back to ujournal land...

 

Anyways, before i was distracted my my rebellious journal (obviously an angst-ridden teenage jourrnal...mabey this was the computer equivelint of dying its hair, just to piss off it's parents) i did come on here with the intention of doing an update, so ...

ah, poo. Dont you just hate parents sometimes? well, after the whole fiasco with my mum on monday, I went round to Sofi's house and had a cry on her shoulder. But i cant help thinking that i've let her down (my mum that is, not Sof). I know that i probably shouldnt, i mean, i dont think i've acted differently from how any one else would if they were in my situation, but she still making me feel guilty, as if its somehow my fault. Which is what i really what what i dont need right now. It hurts even more that theres still stuff i havent told her, that i havent told anyone, and as a consequence, they could all be in for a big shock soon. I wish i could tell someone, but its so hard, especially as i dont fully understand whats going on. Of course, then theres the worry about how people will react and how they would treat me if they knew. And no doubt someone will read this and think "oh shes not saying whats acually wrong, shes just acting really dramatic when theres probably nothing that serious wrong. What an attention seeker" but you know what? i dont really give a shit any more. Not about school, not about my AS levels, not about my future, not about myself. Not about anything anymore. Fuck it, sometimes i wish i was never born.