(no subject)

[retro_geek]

Well hello again everybod...CRIKEY!! what in flip's name has happened to me journal???? It appears to have taken on a rather unattractive blue/black/white/grey colour scheme in my absence. Bad journal. No pocket money for you this week... Hmmm, mabey i can ask Chloe to make it all pretty and purple for me again (hint, hint!), or mabey i can just bugger of back to ujournal land...

 

Anyways, before i was distracted my my rebellious journal (obviously an angst-ridden teenage jourrnal...mabey this was the computer equivelint of dying its hair, just to piss off it's parents) i did come on here with the intention of doing an update, so ...

ah, poo. Dont you just hate parents sometimes? well, after the whole fiasco with my mum on monday, I went round to Sofi's house and had a cry on her shoulder. But i cant help thinking that i've let her down (my mum that is, not Sof). I know that i probably shouldnt, i mean, i dont think i've acted differently from how any one else would if they were in my situation, but she still making me feel guilty, as if its somehow my fault. Which is what i really what what i dont need right now. It hurts even more that theres still stuff i havent told her, that i havent told anyone, and as a consequence, they could all be in for a big shock soon. I wish i could tell someone, but its so hard, especially as i dont fully understand whats going on. Of course, then theres the worry about how people will react and how they would treat me if they knew. And no doubt someone will read this and think "oh shes not saying whats acually wrong, shes just acting really dramatic when theres probably nothing that serious wrong. What an attention seeker" but you know what? i dont really give a shit any more. Not about school, not about my AS levels, not about my future, not about myself. Not about anything anymore. Fuck it, sometimes i wish i was never born.

Comments

[daemon-akm.livejournal.com]

I am not wholey keen on dissin' other peoples parents, but your mum's acting extremely selfishly and inconsideratly. Maybe you should try to point out that she's making you feel like shit?
She's making you feel guilty for something you haven't done because she feels shite/guilty about something herself.

You still go to 311?

[retro-geek.livejournal.com]

Not specifically to 311, but they reffered me to another service. Which is kinda what started this whole thing off with my mum. last week, i decided to tell her that i had been going to counselling. But now, shes acting like i shouldnt need it and shes accused me of being over-reliant on it. She seems to think that I should only talk to her and no-one else. So she tries to make me feel guilty about it at every oppurtunity. She doesnt seem able accept that i need to go, like my problems cant be bad enough to need it. I understand that this might be hard for her to take in, so im going to give her a few weeks to try and come to terms with it. If shes still trying to make me feel like shit then, then I'll try and talk to her and make her understand that although i love her, she cannot act as a counsellor.